When is the best time to write a letter to your grandchildren?

Right now.

Not later. Write now.

Life is very busy. You don’t have any time now. You have a young child at home. Work is crazy. You have bills to pay, laundry to do and there’s that streaming series that you just love and deserve to watch.

A natural assumption is that the best time to write your letter is when you retire from work. You’ll have both the time and the wisdom of being much older. However, there are several important reasons to start writing right away.

First is your memory. You are going to lose the accuracy of moment. If you write about something 30 years after it happened, you are going to lose much of the truth of the event. Dementia affects five to seven percent of the world’s population over 65.

Second is you do have the time. Any person can write for 30 minute a month. You can make that time. Thirty minutes a month is six hours a year. Multiply that by 40 years and you have 240 hours of writing.

Third is the size of the letter. Don’t think it has to be 1o0 pages. It can be just two! Don’t get overwhelmed. Anything is better than nothing. Kill the critics in your head. Just write two horrible pages. Re-write them two years from now and then make a few more changes ten years from now.

Finally, find your ‘why.’ You’re not writing because you don’t have a strong enough ‘why.’ Let me provide a few suggestions.

“But how could you live and have no story to tell?”
Fyodor Dostoevsky

“If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”
Benjamin Franklin 

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”
Tony Robbins

“You procrastinate on the most important things.”
Steven Pressfield

“Perfectionism can also be spelled paralysis.”
Winston Churchill

“Success is knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential and sowing seeds that benefit others.”
John C. Maxwell

“A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.”
Greek Proverb

In reading a blog the other day, I came across a concept that sparked my imagination and really got me to thinking. That concept was an “Ethical Will.” The idea is that instead of leaving your descendants money or physical objects, you would leave them your best ideas on moral values and right conduct. Currently wills are all about money. Does anyone provide moral guidance? Which is more valuable? Would money or ethical guidance better stand the test of time? How would you provide an Ethical Will? What would it consist of? 

My thoughts led to maxims. A maxim is a rarely used term that means “A succinct formulation of a fundamental principle, general truth, or rule of conduct. A saying.” In other words – a good quote. I am all about brevity. Keep it short and sweet. Provide a very select, but very powerful collection of maxims that would provide the best help on a daily basis to your grandchildren and future descendants. Give them maxims that been helpful to you in your daily life. Thoughts that you remind yourself of when things get tough. Words that have help you get through hard times.

No one likes a long lecture. Not even people that love you. If you write a 200 page essay on the value of gratitude, the end result will probably be that they will be grateful they were able to get to the end and they will be grateful you didn’t write 300 pages. But if instead you leave them with the maxim – “A wise person does not grieve for the things they do not have, but rather rejoices for the things they do have” – then they will be grateful for your brevity and they will also understand quickly and easily an important thought you are giving to them in your Ethical Will.

In 2005, Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University where he talked about connecting the dots. He said that it is impossible to connect the dots looking forward in life. But it becomes very, very clear looking back at life.

When you write a letter to your grandchildren, you look back on your life and you can connect the dots. You can see clearly how one thing led to another and in the end it all made sense. Illustrate this with your grandchildren. Let them see how your decisions and fate led you from “A” to “B” to “C.” This will change their life view for the better.

This will help them understand that during their lives they will struggle to make sense of things at the time. Things won’t make sense. Circumstances will be hard. But, they will be fortified with the knowledge that one day in the future they can look back and make sense of it. This gives them hope during hard and frustrating times – when they really need it the most. 

Providing hope and understanding that hard, chaotic and painful times are temporary and ultimately they will make some kind of sense will provide real world help when they really need it most. Let them know that pain is temporary. That they need to keep going. Every painful experience provides lessons that help them down the road. Just keep going. Life makes sense looking back. Just keep climbing those mountains so you can reach the heights where looking back can reveal the path you had to take to get where you are now.

Tell them to trust the road. Give them faith in themselves and the process. This faith will provide them with critical self-confidence and a belief that they will ultimately find their way. These gifts could mean all the difference in their lives. Your letter has that power.