For many people there are incidents in their lives that are so painful and involve other people that they create a paradox. They are too painful to talk about, yet they are so life changing that to not write about them would be to tell your life story without mentioning the most dramatic event in your life. How do you do that?

The first option is not to write about them. There are plenty of other stories and experiences that have happened in your life that could help your grandchildren. Write about other things. Do not risk throwing others under bus with horrible truths. Don’t make your life harder when you don’t have to. You have to make a decision about your “brutal truths.” Weigh the hurt against the help. I do believe that if you decide not to include the life defining pain in your letter, that you should still help yourself by journaling privately about it. Journaling is very, very benefit to recovery.

A second option is make it a story about another person. Tell your “brutal truths” as if they happened to someone else. Tell the gory details and tell the important lessons. You have a wide range of telling that story from “Oh, that really might be about my grandparent” to providing so many details about the fictional friend that no one would ever suspect it actually happened to you.

A third option is to include it. Make sure you edit it enough times that you get your story straight and accurate. Before you decide to include it, you have to make sure it is worth it. Who will be hurt? How much will they be hurt? Will they abandon the family? Will it cause a permanent rift? How many people will be hurt? Will this cause more harm than good? Is there any other way I can tell this story?

Be very, very, very careful if you tell that ugly story. Remember you are writing for your grandchildren. You are not writing to get back at someone or something. You are writing to you grandchildren to help them in their lives. It is very possible that if what you write about is so ugly and so vile, that they will discard everything else you write about. Don’t let that happen. Your intent is to help people you love, not to hurt them. Love is the answer.

Mother Teresa is attributed to the following quote concerning a filter for what you say or write about.

Is this true?

Is this kind?

Is this helpful?