“…we’re all hardwired in moments of empathy to see ourselves in another. Hearing each other’s stories actually raises our levels of feel-good hormone oxytocin, which is what nursing mothers secrete when they breastfeed – what partly helps them bond with their young. It helps to join us together in some tribal way.”

– Mary Karr

I was skeptical when I first read about this direct correlation between oxytocin and bonding.

Then I did some research.

It was indeed true and there is a lot of science to back it up. It’s very real. Hug someone and you get a boost of oxytocin. Watch an emotional video – get a boost. Read about how your grandmother fell in love with your grandfather – get a boost. Emotional stories do indeed bond people. Those stories can do it across time and space. Write your letter and connect with the people you love.

Watch the Ted Talk by Paul Zak “Trust, Morality and Oxytocin.”

“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”  – Horace Mann

Writing  a letter to your grandchildren can be that victory. Claim that victory, write your letter.

Here is a story about a twelve year old boy who was given some advice. The boy was at a crossroad. He could have chosen to vent his anger in violence or he could have chosen to redirect his anger constructively based on the wise words spoken to him by someone who cared about him. He chose wisely and changed his life dramatically. The person that gave him those helpful words won a victory for humanity.

It was 1954, a twelve year old boy had his beloved bike stolen. The boy was pissed. A caring and wise man advised the boy to learn how to box before he hunted down the thief that stole his bike. The boy took the advice, went to a gym and learned how to box. The boy was Cassius Clay, who later became Mohamed Ali.

That caring and wise man’s advice changed Mohamed Ali’s life. The boy listened, made an important decision and greatly improved his life. Mohamed Ali’s life went on to inspired hundreds of thousands of other people. Victory for humanity.

Your letter can be that victory for humanity.

When you tell the story of your life to your grandchildren you are entering into an agreement with them. You agree to tell them the truth and they agree to believe you. However, it is next to impossible to be completely truthful in the telling of your life story. Your memory is not going to be perfect. Sometimes, you want to tell more than the truth; you want to tell a higher truth. Telling the absolute truth is very, very difficult.

Here are four solutions.

First, start by telling your grandchildren that they can trust you to tell the most truthful story you can. Explain to them that you can be trusted to tell the most truthful version you can remember. Be sure to start your letter with this information. Don’t leave it for the end. Be honest from the start. Whatever your standards are, disclose them at the beginning of your work.

Second, you can explain your writing style in advance. That you write with a humorous slant, and they should know that when you do, you are just trying to be funny. That you are going to intentionally leave out things you think would hurt someone unnecessarily or cause family division.

Third, do not intentionally add things to your story that did not happen in real life. You can express how you felt in detail, but falsifying reality breaks the bond between you and your reader. Be transparent.

Fourth, tell them you are injecting a story, and it is totally fictional. Then write a story that you can embellish as much as you want. Sometimes in a story that is totally fictional you can tell a higher truth.

“Great men are those who see that thoughts rule the world.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thoughts are extremely powerful. According to Emerson, they rule the world. Thoughts like freedom created America. Thoughts of prosperity and happiness created thriving businesses. Thoughts of love create and maintain families. With the right thoughts a person can live a happy and fulfilled life. With the wrong thoughts life can become hell on earth. It’s in the power of thoughts and ideas. Here are some words of wisdom about the power of thoughts.

“As a man thinks, so he is; as he continues to think so he remains.” – James Allen

“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“A man’s life is what his thoughts make it.” – Marcus Aurelius

“Change your thoughts and you can change your world.” – Norman Vincent Peale

“A man is what he thinks about all day long.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you write a letter to your grandchildren you are giving them your best thoughts and ideas. You are giving them the power to make their life better.